hmft

Hey! I used to blog! I forgot!

2009-11-06T20:20:00.001-05:00

Here's where you can find me now.

Flickr

My photography website

My site where you can buy stuff

Facebook

2008-08-31T21:17:00.000-04:00

Talking About It from Heather Turner on Vimeo.

2008-08-20T21:52:00.000-04:00

Growing, learning... from Heather Turner on Vimeo.

Thank you, Aimee!

2008-08-19T07:41:00.007-04:00

You can see a better version of it by clicking on it. I know there is a way to make it bigger on this blog. I just don't know the way. Blogger confuses me sometimes. I admit it. Check out Aimee's blog for fun stuff. Interesting stuff. Cool stuff. And Aimee? Thank you again for thinking of me. I am so honored, and so happy. :)

I'm in a photo contest! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

2008-08-06T17:33:00.005-04:00

Will ya'll vote for me?

*blinks eyes hopefully at all*

You can vote for this one here.

And this one here.

Thanks everybody! Ya'll ROCK.

2008-08-02T21:49:00.000-04:00

Riding the Tonka from Heather Turner on Vimeo.

2008-07-25T17:03:00.001-04:00

I'm so tired

2008-07-24T20:32:00.003-04:00

I totally know that I am slacking in the posting department. And I just have no clue at all how working parents of more than two children get anything done. Seriously.

Amanda and I chatted on the phone tonight about aspartame. One of the many random things we chat about. Every day. Which is why I love her so. But maybe, just maybe, my Diet Dr. Pepper addiction has something to do with my CRASH AND BURN at 5PM every day? The aspartame and caffeine?

(include in addiction: vanilla Coke Zero, cherry Diet Pepsi, and Pepsi Max.)

Anywho, will try to cut back on diet soda.

I'm working like a fiend. But DO NOT MISS working on the floor. I really thought that I would. But I am diggin' working in the kitchen with the guys. I can curse freely. I can drag a conversation straight into the gutter and not offend. I can burp aloud.

Delicate flower, I am not. So I'm right at home back there.

OK. Will try to post more.

Lovin' you...is easy 'cause you're beautiful...

2008-05-24T20:24:00.000-04:00

Oh, how we torture them...

2008-05-18T10:15:00.001-04:00

Do the Put In

2008-05-10T17:06:00.001-04:00

Yep. He's throwing his diapers away.

13/365

2008-05-06T23:16:00.004-04:00

Twelvvvvvve/365

2008-05-05T21:23:00.002-04:00

Anniversary celebration + Jaegermeister + trustworthy, beloved babysitter + good friends = shit-eating grins all night long.

Corn

2008-05-04T12:07:00.003-04:00

Jackson's first experience with corn ON the cob. I love how he tosses his spoon aside after he gets his first bite. It's very "BRING IT ON, WOMAN."

And that thumping sound? Seth kicking the table. Drives me batshit crazy. To all my parents: apologies for doing that to you. Also? For kicking the seat in the car.

11/365

2008-05-03T20:33:00.006-04:00

So, yeah. Broken snake.

For those of you who don't know, we have a pet snake. His name is Sammy. He is a three-foot-long gopher snake, and we've had him for three years.

We love him. He is gentle, inquisitive. Spoiled rotten.

As Seth was holding him, Sammy slowly worked his way into the cushions of the chair. Seth tried to pull him out.

Broken snake.

Seth freaks, comes around the corner with Sammy in his hands. I take a look, and see a laceration (or is it a split? AGGGGG!) across Sammy's belly. I freak. Jackson freaks. Windows are open. We live in a valley. I cannot IMAGINE what the cacophony must have sounded like.

The brave and wonderful emergency vet agreed to see Sammy, though he had never worked on a snake in his life. Estimated cost? $200.

Tears. Sobbing. Pacing. And that was just me. I have become the Hysterical Snake Lady. Decide to put Sammy down.

The cost is just so MUCH, and what if he dies anyway?
This vet has never dealt with a snake before. He doesn't really know what to do.
Oh God...what do I do?

Cost of exam and euthanasia? $125.

So. For $75 more, I can try to save him?

Done.

Sammy is stitched up and sent home with six doses of antibiotic, to be given by injection once a day.

Thank you, Daddy, for saving my ass on this one.

I was going to share a photo of Sammy's stitches and needles. You know, to go along with the story. You get this instead:

I can hear Cathy's sigh of relief from here.

10/365. A day late.

2008-05-03T11:02:00.004-04:00

A glimpse of beauty before all hell broke loose.

The regular dinnertime chaos.

And then...a broken snake. Sammy is fine right now, but wish him luck. He'll need it.

Details at eleven.

9/365

2008-05-01T21:15:00.006-04:00

New job. Kicking my ass. LOVE IT. But am having time management issues at home.

Like right now.

Should be in shower. Should be running the dishwasher. Should be filling out New Job Paperwork. Instead? On internet, wondering how to catch up on Flick'r. Email. Photos.

I'm gonna go take a shower.

"Your Moment of Zen."
~Jon Stewart

8/365. Fun with Lingerie.

2008-04-30T22:19:00.004-04:00

?? What is this...this...strapped, stretchy wonder ??

I will run through the house with it, brandishing it high above me with much joy and squeebling...

Looks big, doesn't it? The stretching capability pictured here is wasted on your humble narrator.

*sigh*

7/365

2008-04-29T21:32:00.003-04:00

6/365

2008-04-28T23:13:00.002-04:00

Spring? Maybe. Behold, our local forecast.

"One cold front moved across the Appalachians Monday morning. Another surge of even colder air will move through the region tonight with increasing NW winds. A few snow flurries and snow showers are possible overnight (possibly mixed with rain in lower elevations), especially at western mountaintops with a light dusting to perhaps as much as one inch possible in the highest elevations."

Oh my HELL Amanda!

2008-04-28T19:45:00.003-04:00

After vehemently discussing with you the aggravation of typos, I discovered that...ah, GOD I don't even want to admit it...

I spell it like this.

"YA'LL"

*screeeeeeeeeeeam*

5/365

2008-04-27T20:22:00.001-04:00

Sunday lunch. Pizza.

4/365

2008-04-26T22:22:00.004-04:00

Breaking news: Jackson likes the river. A lot.

So does his brother. But ya'll knew that already. So, not really news.

Off to crack open a beer and plop down in front of the TV with a bag of salted peanuts. In the shell.

3/365

2008-04-25T22:45:00.004-04:00

It's too bad he looks nothing like his Daddy.

Spent a relaxing day at the park.

Then the weather betrayed us. Clouds rolled in and the wind picked up, blowing the hazy smoke from a local wildfire into our midst.

Me and Amanda? Wildfire EXPERTS. Nobody seemed to know about or see or smell the smoke. After internet confirmation that yes, there is a wildfire occuring nearby, we confirmed to each other that we are not crazy. No matter what they say.

2/365

2008-04-24T19:33:00.004-04:00

Quiet, cool, sunny morning. Windows open, fresh breezes floating through the house...

Jackson is watching "Bindi the Jungle Girl." Bindi is growing on me. As long as she doesn't sing and dance. I know...I'm a bad and evil person for saying that. It's just that when she does the song and dance, she seems like a puppet of adults.

LOVE Bindi's daddy, though.

Lookee who's come back to gorge themselves on nectar.

I put the feeders up yesterday. Today, while on the porch, the first one buzzed by my ear all in a hurry to GET. NECTAR. NOW. Sipsipsipsipsip, then up into the tree to spread territorial fear on the other two hummers who came out of nowhere.

Don't be sippin' on the Hatorade, bro. The ladies like it when you share.

1/365

2008-04-23T21:17:00.002-04:00

Day one.

I have three photos. I couldn't choose just one.

Jackson's most cherished book:

My mom got this book for Seth when he was a baby. Simply named. "Little Pup." Inside are little animals that pop out of different spots. A cat, A turtle, a parrot, a rabbit. Jackson loses his whole mind over this. How can it be? These animals that appear from nowhere? It is all too much. He dissolves into laughter.

Self portrait. LURVE the timer on my camera. Now I can have photos of me AND my children, together. Since I am always the one with the camera attached to my face, the timer has saved me.

The messy background adds to the realistic portrait I have lovingly shared with you.

*snort*

This one I call "Messin' with Textures"

Many thanks to Amber and Chris for showing me the way. I will properly inebriate you both with wine when I come to visit in September. If that's OK. Don't want to make you do anything that you don't want to do.

Gonna Try Something New

2008-04-23T11:25:00.002-04:00

Maile, one of the Shutter Sisters, posted this today.

I'm going to try it. A picture a day. Posted here. Daily. Every day.
Bear with me. I'm convincing myself to stick with something...

Let's see if photography will kick start my writing.

But it'll have to wait until tonight.

Jackson is asleep, and so begins the mad rush to shower, brush teeth, clean a bit of the house, make lunch...

Creative Vein

2008-04-14T15:52:00.003-04:00

I think I have one. I am thankful for the one. However, it is limited in its capabilities. It can only hold one flow of creativity at a time.

Right now, it is channeling the photographer in me. Hence, no room for the writer in me.

Or maybe I'm overthinking it.

*nods of agreement from those who know me*

Lack of time seems to be a more accurate reason for the lack of posts here at HMFT.

Our Week in Weather

2008-03-05T10:37:00.001-05:00

If you don't like the weather here, give it a minute.

*SIGH*

February

2008-03-05T09:32:00.001-05:00

New Zoo Revue

2008-02-20T21:13:00.005-05:00

Yeah, so we have some pets.

I'm always looking for more, and Joe always dissuades me. Rightly so, because we don't have the room or the money.

We have fish. Two fish. Pink fish. Big gray sucker fish-thing beast.

We have guinea pigs. Both with long, luxurious hair. The red one is Jameson, and the B&W one is Griffin. And they are groovy. Aside from monthly butthair trimming (it's long...it makes butt dreadlocks).

We have a five-foot-long gopher snake. Sammy. He is kind and affectionate. IT'S TRUE. Sammy, unfortunately, eats mice. Live ones. I do not look at the mouse. I take the mouse home, put it in the feeding tank, lower Sammy into the tank, and leave the room. Five minutes later, Sammy is fat and happy.

It was feeding time last week. Get mouse, put mouse in tank, go to grab Sammy, and he freaks out. Hissing and rattling and all pissy. Eyes clouded over...he's getting ready to shed. Hence, his vision is shot. Hence...no eating. For me, this is the mouse's ticket outta here. "YOU'RE FREE!" I exclaim as I set him outside in the garden. He just sits there, thoroughly confused and scared shitless.

"OK...I'll go inside, get the critter box, come out and if he's still here, I'm keeping him."

Happy mouse:

Pissy snake:

The Blogosphere

2008-02-14T22:45:00.002-05:00

Since becoming an addict of blogs, I am just floored at how other people's lives touch me. People I have NEVER MET. And I always type this when I comment in their blogs.

" Blahblahmyopinionand I've NEVER EVEN MET YOU."
"OnandonandonandI'mcryingand I've NEVER EVEN MET YOU."

How is this? To truly feel like you know people that you've NEVER MET. I have cried for these people.

Tonight, it was Amy.
Months ago, it was Kate, and Ben, and Liam.

Congratulations, Amy. I can't wait to follow your pregnancy through your eyes. It's gonna be AWESOME.

And to Kate. I see Liam in nature. And my passion for photography was given a healthy boost by Shutter Sisters.

Oh My GOD Treat Yourself

2008-02-05T22:53:00.000-05:00

Jenny posted one of the best posts ever.

Come see.

There is a reason she is The Bloggess (cue dramatic music).

It's rude. It's crude. It's HEAVEN ON EARTH.

A Study in Southern Culture

2008-02-05T20:57:00.000-05:00

Sunday lunch. Table of four, with twin boys. Fourteen months old.

Mom distractedly hands me two empty sippy cups.

"Can I fill these for you? Milk or water."
"Do you have tea?"
"......hot tea?"
"Iced tea."
"?????Unsweetened????" (surely unsweetened, gotta be unsweetened...)
"Nononono. Sweet."

Sweet tea.

For babies.

Lordy lordy.

January video

2008-02-01T21:22:00.000-05:00

I think I've got it...

2008-02-01T11:54:00.000-05:00

I've settled on a blog layout.

I could not stop changing my mind. Blame it on the moon, or the weather (which can't stop changing its mind, either).

I'll change it again when Spring arrives and things warm up. But for now...simple, easy. Nothing to distract from gratuitous photos of Jackson's unhappiness.

Does this make me a bad mom? Sharing these photos?

He's just so pitiful. And it's just so sweet. He is feeling better. Will fight like a crazed wild cat if you even come near his face with a Kleenex. My SLEEVES, however, are an acceptable nose-wiping apparatus.

Note to self: Wash snot-encrusted jacket before wearing again.

Changes

2008-01-26T22:04:00.000-05:00

Recycling. We're doin' it. Even Joe is doing it. He laughed at me when I suggested it. Of course, I didn't take it to heart. I do things every day that warrant a good laugh. I am shocked and amazed at how quickly the recycling has become second nature. It really takes a while for changes to sink in to my stubborn soul. Example: I bought cloth grocery bags. Put them in the car. Forgot to bring them in to the grocery store for a good month.
Smoking. Not doing it. As much. I have an occasional smoke when I'm out with friends. Since most of my friends are parents, we share a lack of personal time and social life. So...hmm...four smokes a month? That's about right.
Photography. I have always, always had a burning interest in it. So I joined a site called Shutter Sisters. Wanna see the photos I've submitted? Check it. I have lots to learn. But I'm going to have fun doing it.

Other news.

Jackson has his first real sinus infection. Oh, it's a doozy. When he sneezes, ungodly amounts of yellow snot fly from his nose. It's awesome. There is something so satisfying about pulling that out of his face. So he's asleep right now, slathered in Vick's BabyRub, propped at an angle to drain his congested head, and snoozing to the soothing sounds of a cool mist humidifier.

My 20 year reunion is in September. GAWD. I'm pretty freaking excited about it. I haven't been back home in, ohhh...six years? My dilemna is: drive or fly. Flying is fast, but it's up. In the air. Above clouds. No likee. Driving is much more appealing to the control freakmama inside of me. But. Fourteen hours. In the car. With two kids.

Shit. What to do.

Too much time on our hands

2008-01-22T19:36:00.000-05:00

Now that I am down to two shifts a week (not for long, hopefully), I am bored.

Really bored.

Winter in the mountains can do that to you.

Hence, this.

Look! It's me. As a cartoon. I also made myself into a fairy on Disney's website. It's your lucky day, though. I'm gonna spare you that one.

Also.

A video compilation of idle minds at play.

Linus

2008-01-17T20:15:00.001-05:00

I swear, it melts my heart into a big, squishy puddle when Jackson snuggles his blanket. Thank God he is not particular about the blanket. His only requirement is that it is a flannel receiving blanket. It doesn't have to smell a certain way, or sport a particular pattern. Just be flannel. It's that easy.

He doesn't carry it with him all day. But it does need to be in his vicinity. Within reach.

Do not try to take it from him. He will give you the distinctive "Squeal of Displeasure."

This. This is the best.

December Festivities

2008-01-16T17:57:00.000-05:00

November, Pt. 2

2008-01-10T19:23:00.000-05:00

Apologies for the quality of this one. Definitely thrown together...

November

2008-01-04T16:19:00.000-05:00

Winds. Of Change.

2008-01-03T20:39:00.000-05:00

Thank God it is January. 2008. A new year. Big changes on the horizon.

November and December were just NUTS.

Joe and I were offered the opportunity to buy The Best Cellar. At a stellar price. A place we helped to open. We were stoked. It is our dream. It is what we aspire to do. WE. WANT. IT. So begins meetings with the owners and the bank. The SBA. Potential investors. Thoughts and ideas zip in and out of our heads at lightning speed. Can we afford it? Can we make a life for ourselves this way? It is all we think about, talk about. Then BLAM! Another offer.

The Mountain Tavern and Grille is a local restaurant where Joe worked for five years. He was their Chef de Cuisine. He was running the line when they won their first DiRoNa award. He quit three days before our wedding, so you KNOW the reasons for his leaving were strong.

They want him back. And they will pay much more than what he makes now. And we may be able to buy that restaurant when the lease is up in three years.

So. Leave Best Cellar he must. And put The Dream on hold we must. And I am relieved and disappointed. Relieved because the time I want to put into a restaurant? Impossible right now. Not until Jackson is in school. Disappointed because DAMN a restaurant just fell into our laps, and I just can't do it right now. DAMN. DAMN. DAMN.

So throw that whole mess into a slew of birthdays, doctor's appointments, holidays, and Christmas parties at the Cellar, and Heather has been a very busy girl.

But January is finally here. And I sigh a sigh of relief. And try to begin writing here again.

This does not qualify as food

2007-12-04T00:13:00.000-05:00

Ok. Maybe I'm a bit fired up from the Patriots/Ravens game. What the HELL. Did New England make a pact with Satan? I think yes. GOD I wanted them to lose. Especially after one of their players taunted the Ravens coach. Taunted. I know it's football. I. KNOW.

So.

Joe has to make congealed salad for two Christmas parties this week. Oh, it is most vile. Please, look.

Congealed. Salad.

Food Network's site does not have a recipe for this. At all. Not one.

Marshmallows and cheddar cheese. Jell-O and mayonnaise. Fruit and cottage cheese, suspended in bright green gelatin. A quivering cube of food madness. "Congealed" is a word that also describes blood. BLOOD.

Why. Why does this abomination still exist.

I am going to bed now...

*shudder*

Walking

2007-12-02T17:43:00.001-05:00

"Walking" by Widespread Panic

Wants

2007-12-01T09:12:00.000-05:00

Dear Santa,

I would like a coyote for Christmas.

Love~
Heather

The Absent Blogger

2007-11-10T21:18:00.000-05:00

Man, I am SLACKING on the blog. Apologies all around. It's...it's...just so damn BUSY. We had a slew of birthdays, Halloween, a night away from the chirrens, early dismissals from school, Fall Fling, and a prospect for me and Joe's future that could be big. Real big. Dream-come-true big. Some of you already know. I'll keep the rest of ya'll posted on new developments.

Photos and video to come. Jackson is thiiiiiis close to walking. Hold on to your shorts eveyone...

Ten Months

2007-10-29T12:26:00.001-04:00

The ride to work

2007-10-08T15:53:00.000-04:00

Heading down the hill.

There's usually some form of a dog here. Chasing cars. Sleeping in the road. Eating...something.

Christmas tree farms. Two of hundreds in this area. We have an abundance of bumper stickers that proclaim, "Frazier Firs Make Scents."

And they do.

The car/truck I inevitably get stuck behind. Not that I'm driving fast or anything...

We are a two stoplight town.

One:

Two:

Gratuitous baby pic:

Grandfather Mountain. Every morning, when I see this, I am thankful for being able to live here.

Jackson's birthplace:

And the view from the parking lot.

A cause I can support

2007-10-06T20:23:00.001-04:00

Because I've been there. Done that. Loved it. And feel strongly about it.

The Boob Squad.

Facebook sucks. Big time.

All is Well in the Shire

2007-09-18T23:56:00.000-04:00

General update.

Third grade is good for Seth. Lots of reading and creativity. And the school is SO. GREAT. at specializing Seth's education. Mommy and Daddy will get a kick out of this one: Seth's problem in school? Math reasoning. I have no clue where he got that.

"Hey Heather...what's blahblahblah times blahblahblah?"
"Ummmm...wha?"
Followed by singing, stares into outer space, and fingers in ears.

Football went over like (to quote Daddy) a fart in church. A lead balloon. He did not dig it at all. So...on to alternative choices.

Jackson is eating us out of house and home. He will eat anything. Except green beans. Because I will not allow the vile vegetable to enter my home. Today, at his check up:

Dr. Clark: "Is he eating enough? He's not underweight...just right below the average weight."
Me: "Um...he eats EVERYTHING. We're putting him to work next week to cover the cost of the PHENOMENAL AMOUNT OF FOOD HE EATS."
Dr. Clark: "Is he active?"
Me: "Answering 'Yes" does not do him justice."
Dr. Clark: "Ahhhh...OK. He's fine."

Jackson is sleeping through the night, and I am more tired than ever.

Unfair.

Dr. Clark says this is because I am old. But, he is my age. So. He can get away with such smartassedness. Elsewise, I'd hang him by his toenails.

The Avery County Agricultural Fair is this week. Complete with rides of all shapes and sizes. I used to be able to ride things that went round and round. No more. Although Seth likes the way I scream for my life on the Tilt O'Whirl, he gets one chance with me. Then it's on to the petting zoo, corn dogs, and any ride that does not spin me into a nauseated, manic frenzy.

Eight Months, and Rare Cameo of Seth

2007-09-11T22:19:00.000-04:00

Our local officers are bored, but not THIS bored

2007-09-10T13:13:00.000-04:00

Check it out.

Samples were sent to a crime lab.

Samples of salt. And meat (though, being from McDonald's, that is questionable).

Patiently awaiting a clever retort from Craig, defending the officer for protecting this world from dangerous, burger-salting criminals...

Do huh?

2007-09-01T20:59:00.000-04:00

Today, while traipsing through the mall with the kids, I saw a table set up for Crimestoppers. They were having a raffle to raise money. You know, to help prevent crime. The prize?

A rifle.

Um...OK.

Restaurant Etiquette

2007-08-30T21:03:00.000-04:00

When entering a restaurant, allow the host/hostess to greet you. Do not interrupt the greeting with, "TABLE FOR TWO. NEAR A WINDOW."
While the server is reciting the specials, do not wrinkle your nose in disgust. Do not use words such as "gross," "ew," and "disgusting." Kitchen staff has worked hard to create said specials.
Allow your server to greet you before barking your drink order. We will ask you what you would like to drink. Do not interrupt our spiel to ask about ther soup or the specials. We will tell you, I promise. And if you do not appreciate the spiel, do not eat in fine dining establishments. The spiel is part of the territory.
Please, pay attention while your server is speaking to you. Example.

Server: "I will return with bread and tea. Can I get you anything else right now?"

Table: "YES. Bread and tea."

*sigh*

Families with children. Do not allow your children to run amok in the restaurant. It is dangerous to all. Tip your server accordingly. Picking smeared pasta off the floor and gathering scattered/exploded sugar packets for a ten percent tip and $2.13 an hour is disheartening at best. Please find out what your child would like to eat before your server approaches to take your order. We have many other tables in need of our service. Example.

Parent to child: "Sweetie, how about the grilled cheese. No? How abouuuuut...the pasta. No again? Well...what about chicken. No...hmmm....do you have hot dogs here? No? What about burgers? No...hmmm..."

By this point, my four other tables are giving me the Hairy Eyeball. Hairy Eyeball...DO NOT WANT K THNX.

Good things come to those who are good to their server. By tipping well? Yes. Of course. But also by being polite. Using common sense. Being appreciative. If you are good to us, we remember. And we return the favor.

OK. Rant over. Off to get a COLLLLD BEEEEEEER.

And do it all over again tomorrow.

Question

2007-08-20T22:51:00.000-04:00

When will you/did you tell your kids the truth about Santa?

Part of me thinks that this should be the year.

Part of me wants to hold out one more year.

Input?

Back.

2007-08-18T21:19:00.000-04:00

Yah, so I didn't pay the internet bill? Because I buried the bill under other bills? Then spent the money for the internet bill on copious amounts of frivolous groceries?

So. No internet or cable for two weeks. But lots of salted, roasted, in-the-shell peanuts. And Caramel Cream Diet Pepsi.

Um...I don't know how to say this without offending my family, but IT'S HOT AS SHIT UP HERE. I know, my acclimated ass deserves no pity after living in southern Louisiana for as long as I did. BUT. Ninety degrees without A/C bites.

Family update. Joe is workingworkingcookingcookingworking. 'Tis the season for us restaurant folk. August...the last hurrah for the Floridians and the country clubbers. They are flooding to the restaurant in droves. We have three events in the near future that are keeping us sane.

Kristin and Luke's wedding.
Food show at the Biltmore.

Widespread Panic, in Asheville, on Halloween, with Kristin and Luke. We have the best babysitters imaginable (only ones better would be family) and a hotel room as a gift from Mommy (THANK YOU AGAIN).

Seth starts school on Thursday. Football about a week later. Oughta be interesting. Will defintely post video.

Speaking of video:

Who wants a TV?

2007-08-02T20:58:00.001-04:00

Man, I do. I mean, I have one, but...I want THIS ONE.

Here. You can try for it, too.

Change of subject. Check out this plane that Seth built.

Is that not just, amazing? Look at the pointy, teeth-like accents. And it has the capability to land on water. I mean, DAMN. The boy can build.

And in other news...

2007-07-27T20:18:00.001-04:00

While in the car in Saranac Lake, I heard the song "Tonight, Tonight, Tonight" by Phil Collins. I hadn't heard it since it was released, oh...eons ago.

I looked at Joe, eyes wide.

"Wait...what is this song about?"
"You know what it's about."
"IT IS? Holy shit. I never really listened."

I swear, I thought it was a tragic love song. I mean, it is Phil Collins after all. And he's gonna make it right, tonight, tonight, tonight, OHHHH ohhhhhhh. And it was used in an ad campaign for beer, for God's sake.

This, from the woman who thought that ELO's "Evil Woman" was actually "He's a Woman."

Home

2007-07-26T20:09:00.000-04:00

Total hours spent in car: 35

We hit the road last Tuesday after my shift, around 11PM. It took us fourteen hours to get to Brooklyn. When we hit the city, I was stuck to the window like a tree frog. Then I heard Joe say, "There she is. The city." I'm all, "Then what am I looking at now?"

It was Jersey.

Holland Tunnel. Ten minutes of claustrophobic yumminess.

Brooklyn. So great. I could have sat on the stoop all day, talking to people, scarfing down pizza, and waiting for the ice cream truck. Seth jumped rope with the girls next door. A dude named Speedy lives two doors down, and plays the trumpet. Badly. But he'll regale you with stories of being in the drum and bugle corps. Joe ran into some of the neighbors, who had not a clue who he was. Then recognition washed over their faces, and hugs and smiles ensued. The shopkeepers were a trip. They engulfed Joe in Spanish chit chat, thinking him Puerto Rican. Joe just nodded and grinned. And OHMYGOD the pizza. Jimmy's Pizza has spoiled me rotten. Rotten.

Totally got scolded for taking this one. No photos allowed in the subway since 9/11.

We took the subway to Manhattan (LOVE THE SUBWAY), and hit the Museum of Natural History. Seth and I walked around dragging our jaws on the ground. I won't even try to explain it. It is indescribable. Being a lover of all things shiny and beaded, the Hall of Gems and Minerals held me captive. Seth identified most of the fish in the Marine Life room. It was grand. Then we hit the road again, bound for Saranac Lake and Joe's 20 year reunion.

We left Brooklyn around 6PM. At nine, Joe decided to call some hotels in Saranac, to see what's available.

Answer? NOTHING.

The Ironman triathalon was storming through Lake Placid that weekend. All rooms were either booked or $400 a night.

I called my sisters in a panic. Thank you, Amber and Nadine, for helping to save my ass. Amber booked us rooms in Plattsburgh (or Puddinville, as I dubbed it), which is about 45 minutes outside of Saranac. Arrive at 1AM. Man behind desk? Complete and total jackass. Dear Mr. Scott Whateveryourlastnameis, may you grow hair in unsightly places, and may your breath always smell of cheese. Kisses! Heather Turner.

It was Twilight Zone-like being at the reunion. I saw a part of Joe that I never knew. A chapter of time that defined him and shaped him, and I have no clue about it. It's really wild. Joe summed it up this morning:

"Being at my reunion, seeing all those people from school, really slapped me in the face with mortality."

Amen, my husband.

We arrived home on Sunday morning, after a seventeen hour drive. The sunset on the ride home was crazy gorgeous. The boys were troopers. They slept most of the way. I'm still in a mild sense of shock over that.

And if any of ya'll know someone who needs a chef in the Adirondacks, let us know. Because that place? Is heaven on earth.

To: Jenny From: Heather

2007-07-23T12:23:00.001-04:00

Complements of the Museum of Natural History.

I do this in love.

NYC

2007-07-12T21:05:00.001-04:00

So. Joe's 20 year reunion is next weekend in Saranac Lake, NY.

We are all going. The whole family. Driving to Brooklyn for a few days, to see Joe's grandma, then up to the mountains.

I'm either a brave, fierce mama who is taking life by storm! Adventure! Excitement!

Or.....

I'm incredibly clueless and delusional and facing a road trip from hell.

Please, keep hope alive that number one is the correct answer.

So, the plan. The Museum of Natural History, Coney Island, Katz' Deli, a Mister Softee ice cream, Central Park. It's gonna be spectacular.

In other news:

The Squeeblis is crawling. And standing oh-so-tall in his crib. Height=Loudest Screams Yet.

The speed at which I lowered that mattress was astounding.

2007-07-07T22:14:00.000-04:00

Jello. So sweet, yet so frustrating...

Student of the Month

2007-07-03T11:30:00.000-04:00

Betcha can't tell who the boisterous parents are.

Update

2007-07-02T20:55:00.000-04:00

All is well. Things are busy. Nonstop, actually.

Joe is working 65+ hours a week. I miss him like crazy. But he is doing what he loves. He is cooking. Finally in the position of head chef. And I couldn't be prouder. Joe is so good at what he does, and so good at managing people. He keeps his head about him, stays cool, gets the job done. And is respected. It is amazing to watch.

Seth is in West Virginia with his dad for two weeks. He is fishing, hiking, cooking. Rick taught him to ride a bike yesterday, and thank God. Honestly, I was dreading that. Seth fell twice, then took off and rode six miles on a mountain trail. I miss him and worry incessantly while he's gone. I also enjoy the little bits of time I've had to myself. But I want him home.

Jackson! Still not sleeping through the night. To make myself feel better about that, I've just resigned myself to the fact that I'll NEVER. SLEEP. AGAIN. Then, if it happens, I'll be pleasantly surprised. He enjoys the hours of 3AM to 5AM. Party time! WOOHOO! I sit on the sofa, waiting for him to calm down. BET happens to have jazz on at this ungodly hour, so that is nice. He is also sitting up, crawling a bit, and has two new teeth. And will eat anything you put in front of him.

He is, without a doubt, Joe's clone.

Liam

2007-06-22T23:37:00.000-04:00

What do you say to a woman who has lost her child. Her baby. A piece of herself. With her in spirit forever, but gone in the physical realm.

Liam.

A name that is embedded in my psyche.

I do not know Kate or her family. I was drawn to her story through Amalah. Filled with all the hope in the world for Ben and for Liam. Checking a blog several times a day for updates. Crushed and sobbing when I read the news of Liam. Questioning God.

I want to scoop her up. Ease a pain that must be all-consuming. Every day, I send out what I can only describe as a mamamojo. To Kate.

To Arcenia. I have thought of you since Liam died, and thought of little Kevin. Knowing I should call you, and also knowing that I am not ready. One day, very soon, know that you can talk to me. I want to hear of Kevin. My nephew. Here in spirit, in the wind, in the trees, in the sun. Much love to you, my sister.

And to you, Kate.

Express Yourself

2007-06-16T21:02:00.000-04:00

Seth was in trouble a few weeks ago at school.

Shocking, I know. But it happens.

He had to write about it.

The paper started with "I wish I was..." and he had to finish it.

"I wish I was happy and in nacher rite now it would be outstandingle sadiesfing."

Amen, son.

The baby, he likee the pork

2007-06-15T22:05:00.000-04:00

BUSYBusybusybusyBUSYEEEEEEEEEEEE

2007-06-11T20:23:00.001-04:00

Here. Here is my calendar.

Add work to it. Four days a week.

Oh yeah! And add housework. Motherhood. And yes, as it says in the corner...bathing pigs. Guinea pigs.

Um. I've been busy.

Jeanne, this one's for you.

You Are a "Don't Tread On Me" Libertarian

You distrust the government, are fiercely independent, and don't belong in either party.Religion and politics should never mix, in your opinion... and you feel opressed by both.You don't want the government to cramp your self made style. Or anyone else's for that matter.You're proud to say that you're pro-choice on absolutely everything!

What's" Your Political Persuasion?

Gratitude

2007-05-28T15:42:00.000-04:00

Thank you, Willowtree. That was super cool of you.

And just so you know. No whining or complaining from me. Why, you ask? Because I am ABSENTMINDED AS HELL. Which means:

If I were you, and had missed my post, it would not have been because of computer problems. It would have been because I am ABSENTMINDED AS HELL.
Because of said absentmindedness (did I spell that right?), I thought I should post again about the mugs. And then promptly forgot.

Thanks, also, to all who have come by to check out my kitchenware. And the blog. I've never had sixteen comments, ever. When I saw "16 Comments," I just knew some sort of debate had broken out in my comments section. A debate over...cups? Plates? What?

This is what parenthood can do to a brain...

So what are we doing next Monday?

There are no words

2007-05-24T22:03:00.000-04:00

Needs

2007-05-24T21:15:00.000-04:00

Jenny has this fun little thingamabob on her blog. You go to Google, type in your name + the word "needs," and let the fun begin.

Heather needs...

Men! Now!
Two therapists
A childhood
Some bodyguards
Gatorade
A name
New boobs
Financial support

OK. Men! Now! May I pass on that one? Got enough men, thanks. Two therapists...mmmm, no...the one will do. A childhood. Nope, had that. Some bodyguards might be nice. They'd be bored as hell, though. I can always have Gatorade. Got a name. New boobs? Ohhhh alright. Financial support? Yes please.

No Rest for the Wicked

2007-05-23T21:15:00.000-04:00

Yeah...so after a chat with my mom, I decided to begin sleep training with Jackson.

*insert scary horror movie music here*

Man, it's TIME. He is five and a half months old. He is a fat lil' chunk of baby love. He is eating people food. Is it necessary to wake up every two hours at night for milk? Or is it just the want of the boob? I think the latter. Which is cool. But.

Must. Sleep.

Work+Mommyhood+Housework=SheerAndUtterExhaustion.

So!

Last week, sleep training began. Joe and I agreed that a night schedule of nourishment every four hours was the plan. We have had two really bad nights. Nights of screaming. Constant reassurance to the Hunger Beast that all is well. He is safe. We love him.

He has slept straight through the night three times now. Ten, eleven hours at a time. Oh, how wonderful the sleep must have been, you say. How rested you must be. How refreshed!

I have woken up on those nights every two hours. Like I've done for the past...oh...six months? Maybe seven? You gotta include the incessant peeing in the last trimester of pregnancy. IT COUNTS.

Mother Nature has a fucked up sense of humor.

Thanks Mom! Campaign

2007-05-21T22:08:00.000-04:00

I emailed everyone for whom I have addresses. For those who do not know, check it.

The link to Trevor's story is absolutely, 100% heartbreaking.

Donate. It's free.

Ready. Set. Bumbo.

2007-05-19T19:42:00.000-04:00

Tough Love

2007-05-18T20:48:00.000-04:00

From Cathy. I laughed for a good ten minutes.

Also, tried this with Seth. It didn't work.

Tough Love vs. Spanking
(a psychological conundrum)

Most of America's populace think it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of "those moments."

One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk. They usually calm down and stop misbehaving
after our car ride together.

I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.

What makes 'em tick?

2007-05-14T13:15:00.000-04:00

It is so wild, the things that can make a baby laugh. You're just sitting there, making random faces and uttering strange sounds at the baby, and they suddenly burst into laughter.

The camera shakes a bit on this one, because the strange, make-Jackson-happy sound is accompanied by a head shake.

Monday Monday

2007-05-14T07:35:00.000-04:00

The chickas over at MamaDrama turned me on to this. Ya'll should check it out. Today's quest, from Willowtree:

I would like to see your favourite Coffee Mug. But wait there's more, I'd also like to see your favourite glasses for a) non alcoholic drinks and b) alcoholic drinks. If you want extra credit you could also post your favourite plate. Note I said favourite, not best.

Well, this appeals to me. Not only do I like to collect glassware, but I like to drink.

Coffee cups...because I have FOUR favorites.

Non-alcoholic beverage cups. Got these bad boys at the grocery store, four for a dollah. Make you hollah.

Wine glass. We have about eight of these. In different colors. What I love about these is...

This purple glass is one of the first gifts that Joe bought me, and...

I can pour half a bottle of wine into one glass. Then, when I'm stumbling around the house, laughing uncontrollably and craving cigarettes, I can justify it by slurring, "But I'f only had one glasssss."

Alcoholic beverage glass. Er. Glasses. Pick one. I love them all.

A plethora of wine glasses.

Favorite plate. With cow creamer for style and added effect. I have eaten off this plate since I was a kid.

Two Years

2007-05-08T08:43:00.000-04:00

Hanging with Dad

2007-05-07T09:33:00.000-04:00

Playin' video games and eating chicken...

In honor of returning to work

2007-05-03T21:16:00.000-04:00

First day back at work. It was slow, thank God, because I'm a bit rusty. I was welcomed back with a delightful couple on table 25.

Me: "Hi folks. What can I get you to drink?"
Him: "I do not eat chicken. I eat nothing with feathers. I am on a diet. I do not want a lot of fat."
Me: "The portabella melt is scrumptious..."
Him: "Gimme the burger. With blue cheese. But have them squeeze the fat out of the patty. And I want one onion slice, cut a quarter of an inch thick."

On a diet. Righto buckaroo. Maybe not on a diet, but definitely a FREAK OF NATURE.

I gave him the requisite bullshit server answer.

"I'll get right on that."

If you ever hear your server say this, they are blowing smoke up your ass.

So true...

2007-05-02T19:43:00.000-04:00

Motherhood Uncensored on mommy guilt

Thank God for Sesame Street

2007-04-30T16:21:00.000-04:00

The ONLY thing that consoled him that day...

Cats and Dogs

2007-04-27T22:17:00.000-04:00

From Patt:

A Dog's Diary
7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favourite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favourite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favourite!
2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favourite!
3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favourite!
4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favourite!
6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favourite!
7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favourite!
8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite!
9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favourite!
11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favourite!

A Cat's Diary
Day 183 of my captivity.
My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top of the stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair. I must try this on their bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty cat I was. This is not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit.
The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait. It's only a matter of time.

Exersaucercise

2007-04-26T22:43:00.000-04:00

Try with all your might to disregard my big mouth jabbering away in the background. I think I edited out all the "No shit!" comments. I said it like, ten times. To my dad. On the phone.

The look of pride and surprise on Jackson's face at the end of the video is priceless. So is his comeback to Joe's burp. Wait for it...

Things I Can't Live Without, Baby Edition, Part One

2007-04-21T21:11:00.000-04:00

This one's for you, Keri!

Carter's white, long sleeved onesies.
Cloth diapers, used for everything but diapering.
This seat. A gift from Sistahfriend Kristen. We use this EVERY DAY.
This mirror. For wobbledy head checks.
Boudreaux's Butt Paste
The best tub ever.
The Girlfriends' Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood
Socks from The Gap. They are the only ones that remain on those itty bitty scrumptious little toes.
Pampers Sensitive Wipes. Like buttah. And snag a wipe warmer, too.
Bath and Body Works Lavender pillow spray. Swear to GOD it relaxes both Jackson and Seth. And OHITISHEAVENLY.

That's all I can think of for now. I'm patiently waiting for my brain to return.

Love to Link You Babayyy

2007-04-20T21:51:00.000-04:00

Babble. Looks like I'm a "New Urban Parent."

Whenever I am feeling sad and blue, I go to Cheeseburger.

Get your art on.

Vomitous Mess, Pt. Deux

2007-04-15T19:38:00.000-04:00

That Which Doesn't Kill You Only Makes You Stronger

2007-04-13T21:00:00.000-04:00

This vomitous mess, a week ago:

My happy, flitting little wild birds were all WTF. These pleasant, docile little creatures became screeching, aggressive beasts at the sight of seed.

Things only got better. I'm worried about Seth. Angry with Joe. I think Jackson is teething, ohhelpmeGOD. And these photos? It's gonna happen again this weekend. My patience is threadbare.

That retching sound you hear, far, far away? That's me.

BUT. BUT! Bad things always happen in nasty little clumps. Like hair in the bathtub drain. So next week will be better, dammit.

Jenny? Thinking of you, mama. And you asked how I got so skinny? Jackson is sucking the life outta me. And you have yet to see my accordion belly. Definiton, per Vicki Iovine:

"...the skin on your belly will fold down like a little accordion when you bend over at the waist. I suppose, on a dare, I could get away with wearing a two-piece bathing suit, but I would have to stay standing at attention to pull it off. I swear, you could throw a ten-carat diamond at my feet and I would not bend over to pick it up, because it would show the world my 'pleats.'"

Amen, Vicki.

Jack. Son. Jackson.

2007-04-13T20:27:00.000-04:00

More photos of the baby. Can ya'll believe it? Shocking, I know.

Why no pictures of Seth, you ask? We are in the midst of a camera strike with him. He either closes his eyes, or makes crazy eight-year-old boy faces. Or hides.

The newest National Geographic. Jackson is showing signs of brilliance already. What a scholarly baby, absorbing each and every scientific article that pops off the page.

GOD that sounded good! It was fish that captivated him. And me. I have yet to read the article.

Um...anybody else have a baby that scratched themselves into oblivion? Check it:

It looks like chickens have been scritchin' for bugs on his head. And YES we've tried EVERYTHING. I do so enjoy the look on his face in this photo.

"What the HELL, Mom."

Exersaucercise. Thank you Daddy and Cathy!

Asleep in his PIMP. NEW. CAR SEAT. Thank you Mommy and Joe!

Oh holy cow how I love it when babies get to the HoldingTheirToes stage. It is one of the cutest things EVER. Ever ever. It is so impressive when he puts his toes in his mouth. Will you look at the size of his head? C-section...goooooooooooood. Never thought I'd say that...

Because I'm so freaking busy...

2007-04-06T07:23:00.000-04:00

It's a photo update...

You might be an asshole if...

2007-03-24T12:46:00.000-04:00

Ahhhhhhhh Waiter. Oh how I love thee...

One more reason why I love it here

2007-03-23T21:43:00.000-04:00

Behold. The local park.

Stacy London

2007-03-23T21:04:00.000-04:00

Ya'll watch "What Not to Wear" on TLC?

Stacy London. I think I have a girlcrush.

Impeccably dressed. Long, dark, shining locks. Drop dead gorgeous. And the Queen Bee of Smart Asses. I bow to you, Stacy. And I'm taking your shoes while I'm down there.

Joe insists that I NEED TO BE ON THE SHOW. My wardrobe...

HOME: Yoga pants and tank tops. With the bra built in. Because I'm a nursing mom, dammit! It's all about conVEEEENience.

OUT: Jeans. Black turtleneck. I also have a grey one. When I'm feeling frisky, I'll wear a green one.

Now, this is going to change come summer. I swear.

Stacy. Help me. Or at least split a bottle of wine with me.

Notes to Self

2007-03-17T17:13:00.000-04:00

1. Call Hope tomorrow, to wish her a Happy Birthday.
2. Go to grocery. Stock up on lunch/dinner stuff for Seth. Get beer.
3. Call Julie to finalize plans for Monday.
4. NEED DIAPERS. Sam's Club run?
5. Burn CD's of old photos for T, Arcenia, and Joanne.
6. Water plants.
7. Figure out how to tie a knot in fishing line THAT STAYS TIED, so I can hang suncatchers.
8. Get mouse for Sammy.
9. Never, ever, in my whole entire life say "Spring has sprung!" Cuz DAMN:

Damn damn damn.

Chat

2007-03-14T23:17:00.000-04:00

Jackson's extreme close up, with additional commentary by the baby himself.

All this time, I thought he loved the camera. Was one with the camera. Until I looked at the front of the camera, and saw the hypnotic red light.

Asleep

2007-03-13T11:55:00.001-04:00

Look at this.

ASLEEP. In the Crib of Doom.

Of course, he is on his belly. Big fat no no, for fear of The SIDS. So I've checked on him every five minutes. And there is no way in hell I'm gonna let him sleep like this at night. For fear of The SIDS.

But he is napping for now, face down, and has been napping for an hour. This is progress, people. PROGRESS!

(Insert squeals of joy and delight)

Moving. Again. Sometime. Maybe.

2007-03-12T09:43:00.000-04:00

Jenny is moving, which got me chewing on our own thoughts of moving. Again.

We are considering it. And our reasons are financial.

This area of North Carolina is absolutely gorgeous. Every time I see Grandfather Mountain, I am blown away by the beauty of it. Spring is fresh...the air smells of cedar and new grass. Summers are warm and breezy. It never, and I mean NEVER, gets above 80 degrees. Fall bursts with red, and gold, and orange. Winter...well, winter sucks for me. But I don't like to be cold. Or drive in the snow. You have never seen whiter knuckles on a steering wheel. Or wider eyes behind a windshield.

For the first time in my life, I have a core group of really good, solid friends. Some single, some not. Some without kids, and a whole bunch with. We BBQ'ed yesterday, to celebrate the time change. I have the oldest and the youngest children in the group, with Seth being eight and Jackson at twelve weeks. Then, in between, we've got two more babies, a toddler, and three more school-agers. We drank beer and sangria, ate some killer food, and had a freaking awesome time. I have Momfriends. Joe has Dadfriends. Who'da thunk it? Shocks the hell out of me.

Seth is established in a school that scooped him up and really, truly looks out for him.

HOWEVER.

This area SUCKS for work in the restaurant biz. A business in which Joe and I thrive. Joe has been cooking for sixteen years, and I won't even divulge his current salary. It would make you cry. So we are looking elsewhere, for an area that rewards a chef with pay that befits a professional. A place where truly great food is appreciated, loved, embraced. A city where maybe, just maybe, I can get a job in a business I adore, being something other than a server. I have run a restaurant before. And I haven't stopped wanting to do it again.

It makes me so sad that we may have to leave here to find that.

So the future is unknown, as always! And I hope that by chasing the dream of doing what we love, we are rewarded. With happiness, satisfaction, contentment. And yeah, I'm gonna say it...mo' money. Just a wee bit more.

Gratuitous baby pic, with a message:

COW

2007-03-11T10:54:00.000-04:00

Three minutes of video of Jackson and SOCKCOW!

Interesting to the family.

Boring to all others.

But, it's my blog, so suffer...mwahahahahahahaha....

Deficit

2007-03-10T16:25:00.000-05:00

Lack of posts due to lack of sleep. Lack of sleep = lack of brain function.

But Jackson, he is easy on the eyes, no?

Look at how much he looks like Joe. DNA is a trip.

If, and that is a big honking IF, this baby goes to bed tonite, I will update.