So true...

Motherhood Uncensored on mommy guilt

Thank God for Sesame Street

The ONLY thing that consoled him that day...

Cats and Dogs

From Patt:

A Dog's Diary
7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favourite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favourite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favourite!
2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favourite!
3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favourite!
4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favourite!
6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favourite!
7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favourite!
8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite!
9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favourite!
11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favourite!

A Cat's Diary
Day 183 of my captivity.
My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top of the stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair. I must try this on their bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty cat I was. This is not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit.
The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait. It's only a matter of time.

Exersaucercise

Try with all your might to disregard my big mouth jabbering away in the background. I think I edited out all the "No shit!" comments. I said it like, ten times. To my dad. On the phone.

The look of pride and surprise on Jackson's face at the end of the video is priceless. So is his comeback to Joe's burp. Wait for it...

Things I Can't Live Without, Baby Edition, Part One

This one's for you, Keri!

• Carter's white, long sleeved onesies.
• Cloth diapers, used for everything but diapering.
• This seat. A gift from Sistahfriend Kristen. We use this EVERY DAY.
• This mirror. For wobbledy head checks.
• Boudreaux's Butt Paste
• The best tub ever.
• The Girlfriends' Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood
• Socks from The Gap. They are the only ones that remain on those itty bitty scrumptious little toes.
• Pampers Sensitive Wipes. Like buttah. And snag a wipe warmer, too.
• Bath and Body Works Lavender pillow spray. Swear to GOD it relaxes both Jackson and Seth. And OHITISHEAVENLY.

That's all I can think of for now. I'm patiently waiting for my brain to return.

Love to Link You Babayyy

Babble. Looks like I'm a "New Urban Parent."

Whenever I am feeling sad and blue, I go to Cheeseburger.

Get your art on.

Vomitous Mess, Pt. Deux

That Which Doesn't Kill You Only Makes You Stronger

This vomitous mess, a week ago:






My happy, flitting little wild birds were all WTF. These pleasant, docile little creatures became screeching, aggressive beasts at the sight of seed.

Things only got better. I'm worried about Seth. Angry with Joe. I think Jackson is teething, ohhelpmeGOD. And these photos? It's gonna happen again this weekend. My patience is threadbare.

That retching sound you hear, far, far away? That's me.

BUT. BUT! Bad things always happen in nasty little clumps. Like hair in the bathtub drain. So next week will be better, dammit.

Jenny? Thinking of you, mama. And you asked how I got so skinny? Jackson is sucking the life outta me. And you have yet to see my accordion belly. Definiton, per Vicki Iovine:

"...the skin on your belly will fold down like a little accordion when you bend over at the waist. I suppose, on a dare, I could get away with wearing a two-piece bathing suit, but I would have to stay standing at attention to pull it off. I swear, you could throw a ten-carat diamond at my feet and I would not bend over to pick it up, because it would show the world my 'pleats.'"

Amen, Vicki.

Jack. Son. Jackson.

More photos of the baby. Can ya'll believe it? Shocking, I know.

Why no pictures of Seth, you ask? We are in the midst of a camera strike with him. He either closes his eyes, or makes crazy eight-year-old boy faces. Or hides.


The newest National Geographic. Jackson is showing signs of brilliance already. What a scholarly baby, absorbing each and every scientific article that pops off the page.


GOD that sounded good! It was fish that captivated him. And me. I have yet to read the article.


Um...anybody else have a baby that scratched themselves into oblivion? Check it:


It looks like chickens have been scritchin' for bugs on his head. And YES we've tried EVERYTHING. I do so enjoy the look on his face in this photo.

"What the HELL, Mom."


Exersaucercise. Thank you Daddy and Cathy!



Asleep in his PIMP. NEW. CAR SEAT. Thank you Mommy and Joe!



Oh holy cow how I love it when babies get to the HoldingTheirToes stage. It is one of the cutest things EVER. Ever ever. It is so impressive when he puts his toes in his mouth. Will you look at the size of his head? C-section...goooooooooooood. Never thought I'd say that...

Because I'm so freaking busy...

It's a photo update...

You might be an asshole if...

Ahhhhhhhh Waiter. Oh how I love thee...

One more reason why I love it here

Behold. The local park.

Stacy London

Ya'll watch "What Not to Wear" on TLC?

Stacy London. I think I have a girlcrush.

Impeccably dressed. Long, dark, shining locks. Drop dead gorgeous. And the Queen Bee of Smart Asses. I bow to you, Stacy. And I'm taking your shoes while I'm down there.

Joe insists that I NEED TO BE ON THE SHOW. My wardrobe...

HOME: Yoga pants and tank tops. With the bra built in. Because I'm a nursing mom, dammit! It's all about conVEEEENience.

OUT: Jeans. Black turtleneck. I also have a grey one. When I'm feeling frisky, I'll wear a green one.

Now, this is going to change come summer. I swear.

Stacy. Help me. Or at least split a bottle of wine with me.

Notes to Self

1. Call Hope tomorrow, to wish her a Happy Birthday.
2. Go to grocery. Stock up on lunch/dinner stuff for Seth. Get beer.
3. Call Julie to finalize plans for Monday.
4. NEED DIAPERS. Sam's Club run?
5. Burn CD's of old photos for T, Arcenia, and Joanne.
6. Water plants.
7. Figure out how to tie a knot in fishing line THAT STAYS TIED, so I can hang suncatchers.
8. Get mouse for Sammy.
9. Never, ever, in my whole entire life say "Spring has sprung!" Cuz DAMN:



Damn damn damn.

Chat

Jackson's extreme close up, with additional commentary by the baby himself.



All this time, I thought he loved the camera. Was one with the camera. Until I looked at the front of the camera, and saw the hypnotic red light.

Asleep

Look at this.















ASLEEP. In the Crib of Doom.

Of course, he is on his belly. Big fat no no, for fear of The SIDS. So I've checked on him every five minutes. And there is no way in hell I'm gonna let him sleep like this at night. For fear of The SIDS.

But he is napping for now, face down, and has been napping for an hour. This is progress, people. PROGRESS!

(Insert squeals of joy and delight)

Moving. Again. Sometime. Maybe.

Jenny is moving, which got me chewing on our own thoughts of moving. Again.

We are considering it. And our reasons are financial.

This area of North Carolina is absolutely gorgeous. Every time I see Grandfather Mountain, I am blown away by the beauty of it. Spring is fresh...the air smells of cedar and new grass. Summers are warm and breezy. It never, and I mean NEVER, gets above 80 degrees. Fall bursts with red, and gold, and orange. Winter...well, winter sucks for me. But I don't like to be cold. Or drive in the snow. You have never seen whiter knuckles on a steering wheel. Or wider eyes behind a windshield.

For the first time in my life, I have a core group of really good, solid friends. Some single, some not. Some without kids, and a whole bunch with. We BBQ'ed yesterday, to celebrate the time change. I have the oldest and the youngest children in the group, with Seth being eight and Jackson at twelve weeks. Then, in between, we've got two more babies, a toddler, and three more school-agers. We drank beer and sangria, ate some killer food, and had a freaking awesome time. I have Momfriends. Joe has Dadfriends. Who'da thunk it? Shocks the hell out of me.

Seth is established in a school that scooped him up and really, truly looks out for him.

HOWEVER.

This area SUCKS for work in the restaurant biz. A business in which Joe and I thrive. Joe has been cooking for sixteen years, and I won't even divulge his current salary. It would make you cry. So we are looking elsewhere, for an area that rewards a chef with pay that befits a professional. A place where truly great food is appreciated, loved, embraced. A city where maybe, just maybe, I can get a job in a business I adore, being something other than a server. I have run a restaurant before. And I haven't stopped wanting to do it again.

It makes me so sad that we may have to leave here to find that.

So the future is unknown, as always! And I hope that by chasing the dream of doing what we love, we are rewarded. With happiness, satisfaction, contentment. And yeah, I'm gonna say it...mo' money. Just a wee bit more.

Gratuitous baby pic, with a message:

COW

Three minutes of video of Jackson and SOCKCOW!

Interesting to the family.

Boring to all others.

But, it's my blog, so suffer...mwahahahahahahaha....

Deficit

Lack of posts due to lack of sleep. Lack of sleep = lack of brain function.

But Jackson, he is easy on the eyes, no?


















Look at how much he looks like Joe. DNA is a trip.




















If, and that is a big honking IF, this baby goes to bed tonite, I will update.

If these don't make you smile...

you have a cold, cold heart...