Gratitude

Thank you, Willowtree. That was super cool of you.

And just so you know. No whining or complaining from me. Why, you ask? Because I am ABSENTMINDED AS HELL. Which means:

1. If I were you, and had missed my post, it would not have been because of computer problems. It would have been because I am ABSENTMINDED AS HELL.
2. Because of said absentmindedness (did I spell that right?), I thought I should post again about the mugs. And then promptly forgot.

Thanks, also, to all who have come by to check out my kitchenware. And the blog. I've never had sixteen comments, ever. When I saw "16 Comments," I just knew some sort of debate had broken out in my comments section. A debate over...cups? Plates? What?

This is what parenthood can do to a brain...

So what are we doing next Monday?

There are no words

Needs

Jenny has this fun little thingamabob on her blog. You go to Google, type in your name + the word "needs," and let the fun begin.

Heather needs...

1. Men! Now!
2. Two therapists
3. A childhood
4. Some bodyguards
5. Gatorade
6. A name
7. New boobs
8. Financial support

OK. Men! Now! May I pass on that one? Got enough men, thanks. Two therapists...mmmm, no...the one will do. A childhood. Nope, had that. Some bodyguards might be nice. They'd be bored as hell, though. I can always have Gatorade. Got a name. New boobs? Ohhhh alright. Financial support? Yes please.

No Rest for the Wicked

Yeah...so after a chat with my mom, I decided to begin sleep training with Jackson.

*insert scary horror movie music here*

Man, it's TIME. He is five and a half months old. He is a fat lil' chunk of baby love. He is eating people food. Is it necessary to wake up every two hours at night for milk? Or is it just the want of the boob? I think the latter. Which is cool. But.

Must. Sleep.

Work+Mommyhood+Housework=SheerAndUtterExhaustion.

So!

Last week, sleep training began. Joe and I agreed that a night schedule of nourishment every four hours was the plan. We have had two really bad nights. Nights of screaming. Constant reassurance to the Hunger Beast that all is well. He is safe. We love him.

He has slept straight through the night three times now. Ten, eleven hours at a time. Oh, how wonderful the sleep must have been, you say. How rested you must be. How refreshed!

I have woken up on those nights every two hours. Like I've done for the past...oh...six months? Maybe seven? You gotta include the incessant peeing in the last trimester of pregnancy. IT COUNTS.

Mother Nature has a fucked up sense of humor.

Thanks Mom! Campaign

I emailed everyone for whom I have addresses. For those who do not know, check it.

The link to Trevor's story is absolutely, 100% heartbreaking.

Donate. It's free.

Ready. Set. Bumbo.

Tough Love

From Cathy. I laughed for a good ten minutes.

Also, tried this with Seth. It didn't work.


Tough Love vs. Spanking
(a psychological conundrum)

Most of America's populace think it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of "those moments."

One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk. They usually calm down and stop misbehaving
after our car ride together.

I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.

What makes 'em tick?

It is so wild, the things that can make a baby laugh. You're just sitting there, making random faces and uttering strange sounds at the baby, and they suddenly burst into laughter.

The camera shakes a bit on this one, because the strange, make-Jackson-happy sound is accompanied by a head shake.

Monday Monday

The chickas over at MamaDrama turned me on to this. Ya'll should check it out. Today's quest, from Willowtree:

I would like to see your favourite Coffee Mug. But wait there's more, I'd also like to see your favourite glasses for a) non alcoholic drinks and b) alcoholic drinks. If you want extra credit you could also post your favourite plate. Note I said favourite, not best.

Well, this appeals to me. Not only do I like to collect glassware, but I like to drink.

Coffee cups...because I have FOUR favorites.



Non-alcoholic beverage cups. Got these bad boys at the grocery store, four for a dollah. Make you hollah.

Wine glass. We have about eight of these. In different colors. What I love about these is...

1. This purple glass is one of the first gifts that Joe bought me, and...


2. I can pour half a bottle of wine into one glass. Then, when I'm stumbling around the house, laughing uncontrollably and craving cigarettes, I can justify it by slurring, "But I'f only had one glasssss."
   

Alcoholic beverage glass. Er. Glasses. Pick one. I love them all.

A plethora of wine glasses.

Favorite plate. With cow creamer for style and added effect. I have eaten off this plate since I was a kid.

Two Years

Hanging with Dad

Playin' video games and eating chicken...

In honor of returning to work

First day back at work. It was slow, thank God, because I'm a bit rusty. I was welcomed back with a delightful couple on table 25.

Me: "Hi folks. What can I get you to drink?"
Him: "I do not eat chicken. I eat nothing with feathers. I am on a diet. I do not want a lot of fat."
Me: "The portabella melt is scrumptious..."
Him: "Gimme the burger. With blue cheese. But have them squeeze the fat out of the patty. And I want one onion slice, cut a quarter of an inch thick."

On a diet. Righto buckaroo. Maybe not on a diet, but definitely a FREAK OF NATURE.

I gave him the requisite bullshit server answer.

"I'll get right on that."

If you ever hear your server say this, they are blowing smoke up your ass.

So true...

Motherhood Uncensored on mommy guilt