In honor of returning to work

First day back at work. It was slow, thank God, because I'm a bit rusty. I was welcomed back with a delightful couple on table 25.

Me: "Hi folks. What can I get you to drink?"
Him: "I do not eat chicken. I eat nothing with feathers. I am on a diet. I do not want a lot of fat."
Me: "The portabella melt is scrumptious..."
Him: "Gimme the burger. With blue cheese. But have them squeeze the fat out of the patty. And I want one onion slice, cut a quarter of an inch thick."

On a diet. Righto buckaroo. Maybe not on a diet, but definitely a FREAK OF NATURE.

I gave him the requisite bullshit server answer.

"I'll get right on that."

If you ever hear your server say this, they are blowing smoke up your ass.