Roller Coaster

God, I miss being pregnant. Yes, the last few weeks were long and uncomfortable. But...

I miss feeling Jackson kick and squirm inside me. I miss rubbing cocoa butter on my big round belly. I miss Joe laying his hands on me and feeling the circus inside. I even miss the hospital...the nurses, and the anticipation. And it is so final now. Jackson is the last baby I'll have. I want to remember every little thing, and I know I won't. I forgot so much with Seth. I mean, I remember the milestones. But what Seth's toes looked like as a newborn? Nope.

These hormones are a bitch, ya'll. Typing what I just typed? Has me bawling. I folded up my maternity clothes yesterday, and started crying. I'll never wear them again.

I read this comment today, and it rang true.

"I think this is a very common emotion that doesn't get talked about a lot. It really is sometimes like grieving a loss. I mean you go into pregnancy mode for almost a year, and then suddenly, poof, it's gone. Not to mention, but when you're out and about, you are walking around as a pregnant person, and sometimes that feels nice and makes you feel special. Then, again, poof, that's gone, and you're regular old Joe Schmoe on the street again.
I have grieved a bit each time my pregnancy was over."

*sigh*

At least I'm not the only one.

But then I look at Jackson, and my heart just swells. And Seth, running around the house, playing video games, laughing his head off about farts...that makes me feel a little more grounded. I think that once the holidays are over, and things calm down and get back to normal, I will start to feel like Heather again.

The first of many

Photos for all!

Here I am at 37 weeks. My mom wore this shirt when she was pregnant. I love this shirt.




















Dinner service for Jackson:














We do this a lot. Stare at the bebe.
















Look at what we have made!














Realllly scary one of me, but great one of Seth and Jackson. Seth has been an incredible big bro. He wants to be involved in everything, and has been so so helpful.















OK. Off to take a nap! More pix and updates soon...

Jackson Jerry Turner

Monday, 12/11
Joe and I did some Christmas shopping and tried to walkwalkwalk as much as possible. I had a lot of BH’s, and we got a lot of smiles from strangers and questions of “How much longer?” After shopping we had dinner with friends at Julie and Mike’s house.

Tuesday, 12/12
9AM: Just another ordinary day. I brought Joe to work at one, then headed home to take a much needed nap. I stopped at Dr. Clark’s office because Jackson had slowed down dramatically this week, and I wanted to ask about that. I was hooked up to the monitor, and he was very quiet. Now, at this point, all is well. No worries…but Nancy, the nurse practioner, wanted to schedule an ultrasound ASAP, just to take a look.

2:30PM: I leave Dr. Clark, pick up Joe at work, and head to the hospital for the U/S. Jackson is CHILLIN’. His heart rate is fine, he’s just not moving. And it was a circus in there last week. So Dr. Clark thinks it would be best to go upstairs to L&D and be monitored for a few hours. I send Joe back to work for the evening.

9PM: Doc comes by and decides to admit me for the night. Jackson is still as quiet as can be. If things don’t change by the morning, Doc says we may induce. SWEET! Joe stops by after work, then heads home for the night. The nurses check me all through the night, and things are looking good. I start to feel that we will be sent home, and it will be a while longer. But it is all so up in the air! One minute it looks like Jackson will be here soon, the next it seems we’ll wait forever.

Wednesday, 12/13
7:30AM: One more U/S. Joe and I watch as Jackson moves a bit more than the day before. The nurses call Doc to tell him the news, and at this point, I KNOW we are headed home. I start thinking about all the things I need to get done…pack a bag, feed the animals, water the plants, SHOWER, etc. I’m disappointed to be going home, but I have tons to do there. However, when we head back to L&D for our things, it’s back on the monitor for me.

9:30AM: Our next move is a contraction stress test, to see how Jackson responds to labor. I’m hooked up to pitocin, starting with a small dose that is increased every 20 minutes. Barbara, the nurse, is awesome. She monitors every blip on the monitor. Things are looking good at the start of the test. I am certain that we will have at least another week of pregnancy. Joe and I are soooooo ready, though. We don’t want to go home. We’re already here at the hospital…so let’s just go for it. Jackson’s heart rate looks great through each contraction, until I’m at the highest dose of pitocin. His heart rate starts to slow down at the end of each contraction. So it’s a call to Doc again. Joe and I know that I’m being induced, TODAY. And we’re ready. Well, except that all of our stuff is still at home. Bags, camera…everything.

11:30AM: Dr.Clark arrives, checks things out, and gets serious. Very serious. Asks me to call Joe and have him come in. Joe is just outside, so when he comes up, we get the rundown.
Jackson’s heart rate is decelerating at the end of each strong contraction. This indicates that he will not handle labor well. His blood flow/oxygen flow could be compromised. Which could mean brain damage from labor. His strong suggestion to us is to opt for a c- section.

Which will take place in about 45 minutes.

At this point, I freak out. I ask questions, hoping for an alternate solution. There isn’t one. I have SEEN c-sections on TV. They terrify me. So I do what any grown woman would do. I start crying. People start coming in the room, asking questions, and we’re filling out forms, and I’m wheeled into the OR, and Joe is putting on scrubs. I can see him in the waiting area, all in blue with a mask. I am prepped and ready to go. Joe is sitting by me, holding my hand, and I tell him that I am just going to concentrate really hard on him. And I tell him not to look over the sheet, whatever he does. There is all this weird pushing and pulling, and within minutes, I feel lighter.

And Jackson is out and crying. And Joe and I are crying. And all is well.

Jackson Jerry Turner. He is perfect. He arrives at 1:05 PM on 12/13. 6 lbs., 12 ozs. of snuggly love. Head full of black hair, and really long fingers and toes.

Joe takes Jackson to the nursery with Barbara, the best L&D nurse EVER. And I am put back together. Except for a little thing called a tubal ligation. I’m in recovery for 45 minutes, then back in our room. Which is spacious, and sunny, and wonderful.

We stay at the hospital until Friday afternoon. Recovery from a c-section is BRUTAL. But I’m walking a bit on Thursday, and doing well enough on Friday for an early discharge.

Story to follow...

Go ahead. Guess.

Details you may need to make your wager:

• I have been dilated a centimeter for two weeks
• My cervix is thinning
• Jackson is low, low, low
• Sporadic contractions for weeks...some painful, some not
• Doc's due date: the 30th. U/S tech's due date: the 24th. I am now officially "full term" at 37 weeks.

No guesses past the 20th. Doc will induce on that day if Jackson hasn't arrived.

My initial guess was the 15th. I think we'll have to serve an eviction notice, though. Last week was full of regular contractions, and dilating, and thinning, and all that prelabor stuff.

This week? Nada. No...wait...lots of leg cramps. Yah. I think the one I had this morning tore muscle from bone.

*sigh*

So I'm sticking with the 15th. Call it wishful thinking. Extreme impatience. The overwhelming desire to wear jeans that button and zip.

We just want to meet this lil' dude so so much.

Hysterical

Lately, I have found myself laughing hysterically. Over anything. That kind of laughing that makes your eyes water, that makes you snort. I heard an interview with Angelina Jolie where she said she experienced uncontrollable bouts of this phenomenon while pregnant. My friend Brennan said she, too, experienced this while pregnant. Maybe it's nature's way of preparing for labor? Hmmmm...anywho...

Jenny posted this product description on her blog this morning. I cried and I snorted, just like I did when I discovered the Holiday Hawk.

Joe and Seth are just so confused with me right now...

If you know me...

...you will know why I broke down crying with laughter when I saw this ad.

FULL. TERM.

Jenny, I have taken your advice. Bring it on.

This morning, I am in the bathroom after my shower, drying off. Joe came in. Stopped. Really looked at The Belly. Said, "Oh my GOD you are round."

Yes. Yes I am.

Doc did an oil check on Friday. Said, "Whoa, he's low. You have to be feeling that."

Yes. Yes I am.

I am trying to keep myself as busy as possible. Monday night, we are going to dinner with some friends. Must. Watch. Football. Afterwards. See, Carolina must lose. I want my Saints to stay at the top of the NFC South. When I expressed my need to watch the game, somewhere other than my sofa, Joe joked, "You won't see the game if you're in stirrups."

Yes. Yes I will.

Tuesday...no plans. There is a full moon that night, though. Hmmmmmmm...

Wednesday. Asheville, for last minute shopping. Then the dentist with Seth.

Thursday. Breakfast with friends.

Friday. Oil check with Dr. Clark.