Geez.

Brief synopsis of the last few weeks.

We found a cool house to rent. Put a deposit on it. Signed off on the other house. Must move by August 31st. Yay! Owner of new house calls and says, "Hey! My neice is going to live in the house. So sorry." Retrieve deposit. Find different house by sheer LUCK. Have hellacious "disagreement" with Joe. All is better.

Get a letter from school about Seth. They want to discuss our options for Seth's classes. Of course, I am worried.

Go to therapy with Joe. Eh. New therapist I do not know, who spent half the hour talking about himself. $135.00 later, we're done.

Remnants of hurricane roll through last week. The week we must move. With a pickup truck and a Honda Civic. While moving, I get pulled for expired tags. I am hungry, wet, and tired from my six-shift work week. Mr. Policeman is an asshole. I start to cry (HORMONES SUCK), Joe pulls up, asks why his pregnant wife is crying in the rain, and we end up with seven good-ole-boy cops harrassing us. Now I'm hysterical, as is Seth. It is straight out of a scene from a movie.

Decide to take Sunday and relax. We all head to town to run errands, eat dinner, get ice cream. The car, as Joe put it, shit the bed on the way home. She basically blew her engine. But, with 207,000 miles on her, it was to be expected.

For dessert, I have a killer head cold. How can one body produce so much snot without shriveling up from dehydration?

So we decided to buy one of these.

It is silver. It is heavenly. And Oh My GOD we deserve it.

Too much on my plate

I might be MIA for a week or two. Here's why.

1. Moving. Again. And I seem to be the official packer. *sigh*
2. Family therapy. For me and Rick. For Seth. For me and Joe. All at separate times.
3. Still working six shifts a week.

Dr. Coward said it sounds like I need a vacation. But. No can do. With Seth starting school on Thursday, and work, and...and...all the other shit going on, vacation is just not happening.

*sigh*

Drum roll puhLEASE!

Jeannemama, sorry to make you wait!

And check out our BOYBOYBOY! He is an exhibitionist already. And squirmy.
















And! Our new due date is Christmas Eve, folks.

Boy. BOY. BOYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Fast Frank

I just wonder. How busy is life when making a hot dog takes too long? So, because of said busy life, you have to buy "Fast Franks," these hot dogs that come already IN THE BUN. Oscar Meyer...always looking out for us.

Then there is the microwave Kraft Mac N'Cheese. Because boiling water is a complicated chemical process? Oh wait, no...it takes too long. That's it. And Lunchables. What the...how does meat stay edible that long, outside of the refrigerator?

I mean, damn.

I forgot

I forgot...

• How HOT it is to be pregnant.
• The kicking-baby feeling. God, it's weird. I received the hardest kick yet, and it made my heart race and my adrenaline blow through the roof.
• What it feels like to have boobs. They get in the way sometimes, don't they? Like when you try to sleep on your side? It was nice to rip the sides out of a bra with the sheer force of boobdom, though.
• How gross maternity clothes can be. They are much improved. But it still makes me want to tear my hair out when I'm shopping. The jeans alone make cry.

From the homefront:

Seth has started therapy with Lynn. He had his second session yesterday, and he is looking forward to the next one. Lynn agrees that Seth has many signs of Asperger's, but will not make a diagnosis right away. To which I agree. And is why I trust Lynn.

Seth is a swimming machine. He is diving, doing flips underwater, swimming across the pool. So my obsessive fear of him drowning has been lessened. A little.

Work. Busy. Crazy busy. BUT! Received a hefty load of a bonus. AND! Put it in the bank.

Monday, August 14th. Ultrasound. Boy or girl ya'll?

Two weeks

Give or take. Until the ultrasound. Until we find out whether we are having a boy or a girl.

IT'S TOO LONG!!

Wannaknowwannaknowwannaknow...

Daily musings

Seth left yesterday to go to Louisiana. He will be gone for ten days.

TEN. DAYS.

I hate it. Now, don't get me wrong. The thought of having some Me Time is nice. Joe and I are going to South Carolina to visit his family, and I am looking forward to that. But! Seth is sooooo far away, for sooooo long. Ag. I am consumed with worry. Joe said he'll have to sedate me when Seth leaves for college. And he is right.















When Seth returns, he has an appointment with Dr. Coward. Rick and I went to Dr. Coward. And I trust him implicitly. No, he did not save my marriage to Rick. But that could not be saved. He DID help me with me, though. I sorted myself out. And this, my friends, is a good thing.



















Anywho, Seth had some problems in first grade. The school did extensive testing on him, with our permission. This included a psychological evaluation. The school psychologist thinks that Seth exhibits some signs of Asperger's and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. I say, maybe. I truly feel, deep in my soul, that the past few years have affected him. Divorce...remarriage...moving...new baby on the way...two different homes, with two different lifestyles.

Wish us luck. My baby is troubled, ya'll. And it breaks my heart. And I will do everything possible to help him.

On to a different subject...


















Behold, our first major baby purchase!















Damn, these things have advanced over the years.





















We just HAD to have the one, the only, "Z" handle. You know, so our wrists don't twist. And the one-handed steering thingee on the stroller. Yes. It is good.

OK. Off to shower, and get ready for work. Hopes for the evening:

• Generous tippers
• Heavy drinkers
• Pleasant, courteous customers
• Generous tippers

We have five servers scheduled tonight, including me. All female. Oughta be interesting...

To: Jeanne From: Heather

Pregnancy and piggies.

I just noticed all the fingerprints all over the mirror in the belly pics.

Introducing Griffin and Jameson, The WonderPigs. We love them so. Jeanne, you are going to teach me how to litter train them, right? Please? So now we have two piggies, a lizard, a snake, some fish, and a cat. Oh...and the raccoon I feed evey night on the back deck. And the flying squirrel who eats on the bird feeder. And all the BIRDS.

Cravings this week: anything high in carbs and sugar. I fell prey to the Scottish bakery tent set up down the street. Joe bought me a whole pound cake to stop my endless, gleeful squealing in the tent.

Total weight gain: Five pounds. What the hell? HOW?

New addictions: "What Not to Wear" and "Bridezillas." Oh, the joy!

I just had a piece of that pound cake. It is moist, and coconutty, and rum-flavored. I plan on eating another in, oh...2.5 seconds.

Rest? Who needs rest?

It has been B.U.S.Y. around here. Hence, the lack of posts. Between working six days a week, keeping the house decent (DECENT, not presentable), and being a mom, it's been Wild Kingdom in these parts.

We have two new housemates. They are the cutest guinea pigs in the whole, wide world. Except for Jeanne's pig. More on them later.

Baby is moving and shaking.

Weather has been rainyrainyrainy.

Hopefully, I can post more tonite...

Reminiscing

This one goes out to Amber and Nadine

Some kids are so cruel.

How do you handle the teasing?

Today on the bus, leaving camp, Seth announced that he would really like a pony. He wishes for one.

And some kids told him he was gay. That only girls liked ponies.

God. It really makes me cry. It does.

I handled it the only way I know how. First we talked about believing in yourself. I let him know that the teasing will continue, and for a long time. And that no matter what people say, he has lots and lots of people who love and cherish him. That he is awesome and incredible and special. I said that he should try to keep the positive things that people say about him in the forefront, and not let the negative comments outshine the positive ones. Then we talked about what "gay" means. Which we have discussed before. That gay is not a "bad word," though people will use it as such. That we, as a family, are an open minded family, open to beliefs of all kinds.

Why. Why can kids be so mean.

I'm it!

Courtesy of Silly...

I AM: Pregnant
I WANT: A hot fudge sundae
I HATE: Bad tippers
I LOVE: My family, my pets, Jamiroquai, and pesto
I MISS: My family, Hobbes, and Boo
I FEAR: Roaches
I HEAR: My wild bird family outside (it is their breakfast time), Fairly Oddparents
I WONDER: If I'm having a boy or a girl
I REGRET: Not taking more chances in life
I AM NOT: Tan and blonde
I DANCE: As often as I can
I SING: Every Jamiroquai song, word for word, and anything classified as "Classic Soul"
I AM NOT ALWAYS: Patient or calm
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: Um...hmmmmm
I WRITE: This blog, and thousands of food orders
I CONFUSE: Everyone around me
I NEED: A timing belt, and a hot fudge sundae
I SHOULD: Skip the hot fudge sundae
I START: Arguements
I FINISH: Hot fudge sundaes

Balls

When I picked up Seth from camp today, he and his camp leader walked over to talk. Leader says that Seth grabbed a kid in gym and he wanted to apologize, but couldn't find the boy he grabbed. I was all proud of Seth's realization that he made a mistake, and his wanting to fix it. Joy!

In the car, after camp...

Seth: Mom, I have to talk to you about something.

Me: Sure. Do tell.

Seth: Well. Don't be mad.

Me: Nah. Go ahead.

Seth: Today, in the gym, I grabbed some kids' balls.

Me: (struggling to remain calm) Wha? Wait...huh? Why? In what context? Was anyone else doing it? Like a game? Were you wrestling?

Seth: I know it's wrong, mom. I am really sorry.

Me: One kid or many? Why? Balls? Really?

Seth: Yeah, balls. A few kids' balls.

Me: (beginning the life lesson) OK. We have talked about respecting other people's space. You have to respect other people's private parts, you know? We've talked about this, remember?

Seth: Mom. The balls in the GYM. Soccer balls..basketballs...you know.


Somebody. Help. Me.

The pregnancy hormones have addled my brain. Eaten my reasoning skills. Rendered me STOOOOPID.

Swimsuit Model

Behold, the shocking form of the Swimsuit Goddess.

Goddess is twelve weeks pregnant, but you could never tell! Her slimming secret is peanut butter milkshakes, Taco Bell's chalupas, and cherry limeades...

This one's for you, Laura! Your turn...

Creature comforts

Bonnaroo

We are hours away from a music extravaganza called Bonnaroo. Being from Louisiana, festivals of any kind are integral to my being a whole person. I have yet to check out Bonnaroo. It falls at a bad time for us restaurant folk...a weekend in the summer.

I will go one day.

To my friends who are Bonnarooing (Annakonda!), have fun. Be safe. Drink much. Eat more. Beware of patchouli. Please tell the Neville's, Dr. John, and the Rebirth Brass Band that I miss them and will see them soon.

And if ya'll don't attend the temple of DJ Sasha, your cosmic punishment will be a life of Pat Boone albums. Sasha is a God, and must be revered.

Firsts

First day that strangers have noticed I am pregnant.

First day in months that I haven't crawled home after work to collapse in bed for a nap.

First day I have been able to relax about moving, becuase WE DON'T HAVE TO. Well, until next May. But I can handle that.

First feeling that maternity pants may be in order. Stat.

Two Things

First. Seth can swim. Underwater. I was having a mild panic attack at the thought of teaching him to swim. Where do I start? How do I teach? After one day at camp, he is swimming like a fish underwater. Thank God.

Second. Doctor update. I got an A+ on health. JOY! We heard the little poof's heartbeat, which never gets old. And...I haven't gained a pound.





















*snort of disbelief*

After THAT news, I went home and celebrated by eating two Bubba burgers with cheese and a mountain of potato salad. What the hell! Might as well.

Mister Softee

Ah...pregnancy dreams.

When I was pregnant with Seth, I had a most vivid dream that I gave birth to my cat, Boo. I also breastfed him. In the dream.

Last night, It was Mister Softee. The truck was everywhere. At all times. Day. Night. Thousands of flavors. I would wake up to roll over, pee, whatever, go back to sleep, and Mister Softee was there again.

As a child, I would sit on the curb for HOURS with Patrick, waiting to hear the faint sound of the jingle...probably miles away. Seriously. As kids, we had ears like bats. And it was just like that Eddie Murphy skit. We would run home, screaming for money. Hearts racing. Sweating. And the jingle was getting louder...closer...OhGodwhatifwemissthetruck!! My mom told me that she and Patrick's mom conspired, and told us kids that Mister Softee only came a few days a week. Elsewise, we'd sit on the curb, every day, and waitwaitwaitwait. Mister Softee was an integral part of my youth in Niagara Falls.

So! It has been on my mind all freaking day. I wish Seth could experience the Mister Softee total body buzz. I wonder if he'll have something like that in his childhood that he looks back on, with most excellent memories. A ringing in of summer, that he'll remember for the rest of his life.

Summer

I think summer has finally arrived in the mountains. I hesitate to say that too loudly, lest Mother Nature catch wind of my words and throw a freak snowstorm our way.

This morning, I have a family of nuthatches helping themselves to beakfuls of suet. While they eat, they make these happy little beeping sounds. A blue jay just discovered Miss Puff's Nine Lives, and is joyfully announcing to the others that breakfast is SERVED, ya'll. The trees have their leaves. The flowers have bloomed. And this year, the rhododendrons are fabulous.

And it is warm. A soothing 60 degrees this AM. The windows are open, and the air smells like cut grass and irises.

Seth's last day of school was Tuesday. He will be going to a day camp three days a week. He will do something different every day, and both he and I are looking forward to it. I can work during the day knowing that he is having an awesome summer.

So! Morning sickness all gone. I whisper this, too. Mother Nature has a wicked sense of humor.

Dinner last night: Taco Bell. One Ultimate Chalupa. One Double Decker Taco. Half of a Cheese Quesadilla. And for dessert? Marble Slab...rum ice cream with Nestle Crunch chunks in a Heath Bar waffle cone.

I know. My healthy eating habits are astounding. Ya'll are brimming with pride at my intelligent menu selections. I swear, I can do better! Just give me a chance!

(Spoken like a true Taco Bell addict...)